"And the Lord went before them by day in a pillar of a cloud, to lead them the way; and by night in a pillar of fire, to give them light; to go by day and night."
If only it worked that way - a cloud or
pillar of fire over people's houses when we were supposed to go and share the
Gospel with them because they were ready. Unfortunately, it doesn't really work
that way. Plus, the people in the houses it was over would probably freak out
and run away.
I realized that for about three weeks
previous to this one, we were in a slump. We were teaching the same
investigators who either weren't progressing or weren't able to be baptized for
various reasons even though they were progressing in other ways. It's really
hard, as a missionary, to know that people you're teaching aren't moving towards
that all important goal of baptism. So that was difficult mentally - it was
because we weren't really fulfilling our purpose to bring people to that
ultimate goal of baptism by someone holding the authority of God. We can teach,
we can plead, we can exhort, but only through their agency can they choose to
keep commitments and prepare for baptism.
I also realized that I kept thinking in
my head, "Wow... this isn't very good. I can't fulfill my purpose to bring
people closer to Christ when I can barely speak the language, and I can only say
15% of what I'd like to say and it's hard for the Spirit to speak through me
when I have to focus so hard on speaking the language." However, that's not the
right attitude. Several people who have known me since I've been here on
Palawan truly complimented me on my Tagalog this week, so that made me feel
better - there is progression, even though it frustrates me to no end most of
the time. I realized that I need to simply do my best to fulfill my purpose,
even with my limited language skills, and that will be fulfilling my purpose -
even though it may not be as efficiently as I could in English. When we taught
a lesson for the first time to some new investigators and one of them asked me
why/how I had learned Tagalog so far, the wife answered (in Tagalog) " Because
she wants to share the Gospel with us, and it's very important to her - she's
putting in that effort for us and for God." I almost started crying when she
said that in the lesson because that gave me just a little bit more
encouragement, and she was likely inspired to say that whether she knew it or
not.
The last thing - there is something to be
said for the faith of the children here. There is no way when I was their age
(7 to 15) that I would have had the guts and faith to go to church even though
my family wasn't. Often times, we have parents here who will refuse to take the
lessons but their kids still go to church because they allow it. They love
going to church, and see that it is important at their tender ages. The
interactions I've had with children here has certainly helped me to see why
Christ felt so tenderly for them. They truly are gifts from God to everyone who
is privileged to have them. I hope my future children can exhibit as much faith
as many of the wonderful kids here in the Philippines.
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